Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency
June 15, 2007: Washington, DC (AP) -- Congress today announced that the
office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced
to India as of July 1, 2007. The move is being made in order to save
the President's $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 Billion
in deficit expenditures and related overhead that the office has
incurred during the last 5 years. "We believe this is a wise financial
move. The cost savings are huge. " stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds
(R-WA). "We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the
current level of cash outlay." Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will assume the
office of President as of July 1, 2007. Mr. Singh was born in the
United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara
Falls, NY, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive
a
salary of $320 (USD) a month but no health coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when
few
offices of the US Government will be open. "Working nights will allow
me
to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center," stated Mr. Singh
in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always
hoped I would be President." A Congressional spokesperson noted that
while Mr.
Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office
of President, this should not be a problem as President Bush had never
been familiar with the issues either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon! a scrip t tree that will enable him to
respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned
responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand
the underlying issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work,"
stated the spokesperson.
"President Bush has used them successfully for years, with the result
that some people actually thought he knew what he was talking about."
Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
final
day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be
eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he
will
not be
eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the
allowed limit. Mr. Bush has been provided with the outplacement
services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for
his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have
difficulties in securing a new position due to a lack of any
successful
work experience during his lifetime. A Greeter position at Wal-Mart
was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience at shaking hands, as
well as his special smile.
