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[Amianthus]

The Threat Alert Jesus - buy two and get a free Bible!

[Stray Pooch]

Thus is the prophecy fulfilled which sayeth:

Son of man, I have made thee a watchman unto the house of Israel: therefore hear the word at my mouth, and give them warning from me.  (Ezek 3: 17)

[Xavier_Onassis]

Thus is the prophecy fulfilled which sayeth:

Son of man, I have made thee a watchman unto the house of Israel: therefore hear the word at my mouth, and give them warning from me.  (Ezek 3: 17)
---------------------------------------------
The magnificence of the fulfillment of prophecy diminishes when one discovers that it takes the form of a mass-produced plastic object made in the People's Republic, and marketed with t-shirts that convert the devout into walking billboards.

A related thought, in verse, already:

Always is and always was, the royal race of hicks;
When Ahab went to Ashkelon, they sold him gilded bricks.
Donald Robert Pierre Marquis, archy the cockroach.

[Rich]

Protestants are funny.

[Xavier_Onassis]

Protestants are funny.
==========================
In this case, they are just trying, however pathetically, to improve on the Roman Catholic invention of the Plastic Jesus and the Magnetic Mary.

Today's Cultural Enrichment features a musical number:

Plastic Jesus
- Ernie Marrs; Trad and Anon

    Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes,
    Long as I have my plastic Jesus
    Riding on the dashboard of my car
    Through all trials and tribulations,
    We will travel every nation,
    With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

    CHORUS
    Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
    Riding on the dashboard of my car
    Through my trials and tribulations,
    And my travels thru the nations,
    With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

    I don't care if it rains or freezes
    As long as I've got my Plastic Jesus
    Glued to the dashboard of my car,
    You can buy Him phosphorescent
    Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant,
    Take Him with you when you're travelling far

    I don't care if it's dark or scary
    Long as I have magnetic Mary
    Ridin' on the dashboard of my car
    I feel I'm protected amply
    I've got the whole damn Holy Family
    Riding on the dashboard of my car

    You can buy a Sweet Madonna
    Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a
    Pedestal of abalone shell
    Goin' ninety, I'm not wary
    'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary
    Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell

    I don't care if it bumps or jostles
    Long as I got the Twelve Apostles
    Bolted to the dashboard of my car
    Don't I have a pious mess
    Such a crowd of holiness
    Strung across the dashboard of my car

    ALT CHORUS
    No, I don't care if it rains or freezes
    Long as I have my plastic Jesus
    Riding on the dashboard of my car
    But I think he'll have to go
    His magnet ruins my radio
    And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar

    Riding through the thoroughfare
    With his nose up in the air
    A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind
    Trouble coming, he don't see
    He just keeps his eyes on me
    And any other thing that lies behind

    ALT CHORUS
    Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
    Riding on the dashboard of my car
    Though the sun shines on his back
    Makes him peel, chip, and crack
    A little patching keeps him up to par

    When pedestrians try to cross
    I let them know who's boss
    I never blow my horn or give them warning
    I ride all over town
    Trying to run them down
    And it's seldom that they live to see the morning

    ALT CHORUS
    Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
    Riding on the dashboard of my car
    His halo fits just right
    And I use it as a sight
    And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far

    When I'm in a traffic jam
    He don't care if I say Damn
    I can let all sorts of curses roll
    Plastic Jesus doesn't hear
    For he has a plastic ear
    The man who invented plastic saved my soul

    ALT CHORUS
    Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
    Riding on the dashboard of my car
    Once his robe was snowy white
    Now it isn't quite so bright
    Stained by the smoke of my cigar

    God made Christ a Holy Jew
    God made Him a Christian too
    Paradoxes populate my car
    Joseph beams with a feigned elan
    From the shaggy dash of my furlined van
    Famous cuckold in the master plan

    Naughty Mary, smug and smiling
    Jesus dainty and beguiling
    Knee-deep in the piling of my van
    His message clear by night or day
    My phosphorescent plastic Gay
    Simpering from the dashboard of my van

    When I'm goin' fornicatin
    I got my ceramic Satan
    Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
    The women know I'm on the level
    Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil
    Ridin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
    Sneerin' from the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
    Leering from the dashboard of my van

    If I weave around at night
    And the police think I'm tight
    They'll never find my bottle, though they ask
    Plastic Jesus shelters me
    For His head comes off, you see
    He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask

    ALT CHORUS
    Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
    Riding on the dashboard of my car
    Ride with me and have a dram
    Of the blood of the Lamb
    Plastic Jesus is a holy bar

    There is nothin that is cuter
    than a smilin Jolly Buddha,
    Ridin on the dashboard of my car,
    I don't have no idol cuter,
    comes in plastic, bronze and pewter,
    Take him with me when I go afar.

    Jolly Buddha, fat and squattin,
    on a pad of aspirin cotton,
    He's with me wherever I may roam,
    When it's late and I start to hurry,
    I know he ain't gonna worry,
    He looks at me and all he says is, "Oooommmmmmm."

    There is nothing that is gaucher
    Than eatin food that isn't kosher,
    Right in front of my smilin Moses' face,
    I'm afraid that he'll awaken
    When I'm eatin ham or bacon,
    And throw them Ten Commandments in my face.

    I don't care if I'm broke or starvin'
    As long as I've got a fish named Darwin
    Glued to the trunklid of my car
    God, I'm feeling so evolved
    Drivin' with my problems solved
    Proclaiming what I think of what we are

    Riding home one foggy night,
    With my honey cuddled tight,
    I missed a curve and off the road we veered.
    My windshield got smashed-up good,
    And my darling graced the hood.
    Plastic Jesus, He had disappeared.

    cho: Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus,
    No longer chides me with His holy grin.
    Doctors in the X-ray room
    Found Him in my darling's womb.
    Someday, He'll be born again!

    I don't care if it rains or freezes
    Long as I got my plastic Jesus
    Riding on the dashboard of my car
    He's the dude with the rusty nails,
    Walks on water, don't need no sails
    Riding on the dashboard of me car

    I don't care if the night is scary
    As long as I got the Virgin Mary
    Sittin' on the dashboard of my car.
    She don't slip and she don't slide
    Cuz her butt is magnetized
    Sittin' on the dashboard of my car.

    Now I'm feeling quite contrary,
    cos I got the Virgin Mary
    Sitting on the dashboard of my car
    There's no room for imperfection,
    in my Catholic collection
    Which sits upon the dashboard of my car

    Jesus, Mary and St. Patrick,
    now I've got the holy hat-trick
    Sitting on the dashboard of my car
    One more statue I've got to get
    is the plastic Bernadette
    Sitting on the dashboard of my car

    Plastic Jesus, you've got to go,
    your magnet's burst my radio
    Sitting on the dashboard of my car
    But I, won't lose faith and I won't lose hope
    cos, now I've got a pope on a rope
    Swinging from the dashboard of my car

    Once as I drove to Knock,
    at a petrol station I got a shock
    at the special offers that they had for me
    20 more points and I can barter for a Jesus with stigmata
    to sit upon the dashboard of my car

[Amianthus]

In this case, they are just trying, however pathetically, to improve on the Roman Catholic invention of the Plastic Jesus and the Magnetic Mary.

What's pathetic is that the level of "nuance awareness" around here is so low as to not notice that the person that created the site is named "Witch Fondler," which seems unlikely to be a Protestant, or even a Christian in general.

It's called a joke, guys. Just like Buddy Christ.

[Stray Pooch]

In this case, they are just trying, however pathetically, to improve on the Roman Catholic invention of the Plastic Jesus and the Magnetic Mary.

You DO realize that was a gag ad, yes?

Those "Plastic Jesus" verses are funny as hell (and in a few cases may lead you there).  I thought the Satan one was funny, but I nearly busted a gut when I got to Darwin.  

Good stuff.

[Rich]

Of course I realized it .... jeeez.

I was fishing for a response, and I got it. BO is so easy.

[Xavier_Onassis]

I did not say it was not a spoof site, I just commented on the practice of plastic figures and religion, which is rather beyond silly, be it Catholic or Protestant.

I have a Buddy Christ, an also a wind-up nun (Sister Sparkazilla) that shoots sparks from her mouth, a Squeak Mary and a Squeak Buddha, in addition to a Ganesh, a Dancing Shiva, two navel-contemplating Buddhas, and a pitiful St Lazarus complete with sores and starving dog.

Also a Tibetan prayer wheel, which I am careful not to spin in an counterclockwise direction, which is said to suck prayers out of the ether.

[Stray Pooch]

Of course I realized it .... jeeez.

Dude, I was talking to XO . . .

[Plane]

I did not say it was not a spoof site, I just commented on the practice of plastic figures and religion, which is rather beyond silly, be it Catholic or Protestant.

I have a Buddy Christ, an also a wind-up nun (Sister Sparkazilla) that shoots sparks from her mouth, a Squeak Mary and a Squeak Buddha, in addition to a Ganesh, a Dancing Shiva, two navel-contemplating Buddhas, and a pitiful St Lazarus complete with sores and starving dog.

Also a Tibetan prayer wheel, which I am careful not to spin in an counterclockwise direction, which is said to suck prayers out of the ether.

One more and you won't be able to see out of the windsheild.

[Plane]

Also a Tibetan prayer wheel, which I am careful not to spin in an counterclockwise direction, which is said to suck prayers out of the ether.

I wonderifonecould write Tibeten prayers on a tire?

[Xavier_Onassis]

I don;t have these in my car, they are in my house.
As for the prayer wheel, I think that a proper prayer wheel must be non-utilitarian. If you were to use the wheel for locomotion, then it would not count as properly prayerful, just like snacking on communion cookies or getting smashed on communion wine does not count as a sacrament.

You would also have to avoid spinning the wheel backwards, which is, as I said, very bad.

[Plane]

I don;t have these in my car, they are in my house.
As for the prayer wheel, I think that a proper prayer wheel must be non-utilitarian. If you were to use the wheel for locomotion, then it would not count as properly prayerful, just like snacking on communion cookies or getting smashed on communion wine does not count as a sacrament.

You would also have to avoid spinning the wheel backwards, which is, as I said, very bad.

So a payer engraved on a jet turbine would not spin up thousands of prayers a second?

http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/xiZD1Ps26YgjgLoX6ReJFQ