Author Topic: Adult human relationships  (Read 1689 times)

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Universe Prince

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Adult human relationships
« on: August 04, 2010, 04:04:55 AM »
A pair of blog posts to share. First up, a feminist woman (no, that's not redundant) gets in touch with her inner slut. No, really. She says so.

http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/07/26/my-sluthood-myself/
         My Sluthood, Myself.
by Jaclyn on 7.26.2010

Last summer, I suffered the breakup of a relationship that I had thought would be permanent. Now, I’ve been through my share of break-ups, even of quite serious relationships, but nothing ever broke me like this one.

Since then, I’ve had sexual interactions of the orgasmic kind with 9 different people, none of which I was at any time in a committed relationship with.

I’m not telling you this to shock (though I am specifying the number because we all need to get over the whole “OMG! Be ashamed of your NUMBER! It’s either too big or too small!” thing). I’m telling you this because of something else that’s also true about me: I’d really like to be in a long-term, probably monogamous relationship. That’s right, folks, I’m a slut who craves a stable, loving, committed relationship. File me under “Lookin’ fer luv: ur doin it wrong.”

That’s the story we get sold, right? That women who sleep around are destroying their chances at True Love. Something to do with bonding hormones getting all used up? Or is it that we have so little self-esteem that no one could love us? Or maybe it’s that we’re all used candy wrappers or dirty masking tape. I can never remember.

Thing is: I’ve done it the other way. Until my mid-30s, I was largely a serial monogamist. Not for any grand ethical or philosophical reasons – it was just what felt comfortable to me. That’s not to say that I didn’t have some wild adventures in college, or never went to bed with someone on a first date – I did on occasion. It’s just that when I did, I’d often wake up the next day in a relationship. Let me tell you: not the best recipe for partnership bliss.

[...]

I’m telling you this because sluthood is scary. Because we’ve been taught to fear it all our lives, and that training doesn’t just go away because we understand the agenda behind it. And because there are real risks involved. Society likes to punish slutty women. And so do a lot of individual men, some of whom frequent Craigslist Casual Encounters.

[...]

I’m telling you this because sluthood requires support. Because any woman who indulges these urges carries with her a lifetime of censure and threat. That’s a loud chorus to overcome. A slut needs a posse who finds her exploits almost as delicious as she finds them herself, who cares about her safety and her stories and her happiness but not one whit about her virtue. A slut alone is a slut in difficulty, possibly in danger.

[...]

I’m telling you this because sluthood saved me. Sluthood gave me the time and space to nurse a shattered heart. It gave me a place where I could exist in pieces, some of me craving touch, some of me still too tender to even expose to the light. Sluthood healed the part of me that felt my body and my desires were grotesque after two years in a libido-mismatched partnership. Now I felt hot, wanted, powerful. My desire and enthusiasm was an asset, not an unintended weapon. Even now, with more time passed, now, when I am actually ready for and wanting a more emotional connection, sluthood keeps me centered. It keeps me from confusing desire and affection with something deeper. It means I have another choice besides celibacy and settling. It means I won’t enter another committed relationship just to satisfy my basic need for sex and affection. It gives me more choices, it makes room for relationships to evolve organically, to take the shape they will before anyone defines them.

[...]

I’m telling you this because juries still think women who even look like they might possibly be sluts are “asking for it.” I’m telling you this because some people still think it’s OK to drive a teenage girl to suicide because she was probably a slut. I’m telling you this because our policymakers would rather girls get sometimes-fatal diseases than be perceived as condoning sluthood. I’m telling you this because it’s important for everyone to understand: Sluthood isn’t a disease, or a wrong path, or a trend that’s ruining our youth. It isn’t just for detached, unemotional women who “fuck like men,” (as if that actually meant something), consequences be damned. It isn’t ever inevitable that sluthood should inspire violence or shame. Sluthood isn’t just a choice we should let women make because women should be free to make even “bad” choices. It’s a choice we should all have access to because it has the potential to be liberating. Healing. Soul-fulfilling. I’m telling you this because sluthood saved me, in a small but life-altering way, and I want it to be available to you if you ever think it could save you, too. Or if you want it for any other reason at all. And because even if you don’t ever want sluthood for yourself, you’re going to be called upon to support a slut. I’m telling you this because when that happens, I want you to say yes.
         

Next up, a man shares some things he has learned about women and about being a man.

http://micah.sparacio.org/07/28/2010/10-things-ill-teach-my-sons-about-women/
         10 Things I’ll Teach My Sons About Women
July 28, 2010

Sometimes the truth is not comfortable.

So if you’re not comfortable with a reality that betrays our ideals, don’t read on.

The most important thing I’ve learned about women is that you’ve got to be indifferent to their attempts at harnessing you in an emotional net and controlling you. Sounds harsh, but you’re the man. You need to be in charge of yourself. You should not be controlled. You need to lead. You need to make decisions. Forget all the nonsense about equality. Women don’t want that, even if they say that they do (duplicity of intentions is not uncommon in relationships).

What’s important is to understand how women operate at a biological and emotional level. Ultimately, women are not looking for nice guys. They are looking for strong, confident, powerful men. Men who make them feel secure… comfortable. This makes sense from an evolutionary perspective as women needed men they could rely on to protect both them and their children.

[...]

You must become the man you want to become without regard to women… it is only then that you will find that the task of gaining and keeping the attraction of a woman is as simple as breathing. And by doing this you can beat the jerks and the thugs (the one’s who get all the girls) at their own game.

[...]

1. Be confident

Women are attracted to confidence. The irony is that your confidence should not be for the sake of women. It should be natural. Make yourself the best man you can be. Let your confidence derive from who you are. Aim to be the best man you can be simply because that’s who you want to be.

[...]

5. Understand hypergamy

At a biological (subconscious) level women are always trying to upgrade. Men have a hard time understanding this because for most men, at a subconscious level, all that matters is that a woman have a certain level of fitness. Any woman who meets that threshold is fair game. Doesn’t matter if she’s an upgrade or downgrade.

With women it is different. Women are constantly keeping their eyes out for an upgrade (usually in the form of acquiring more power). But they are also constantly keeping their eyes on other women that might be a threat to their current situation (flirting with other women on occasion, within view of your partner, is a great way to fight hypergamy).

So why does this matter? Well, because awareness is the key here. Don’t for a second think that the girl you are with transcends her biological nature. Be prepared. Women are not nearly as innocent as the media portrays.

But it matters even more because you can do things to control hypergamy. 1) don’t be a pushover 2) don’t give her emotional control over you (once she’s dominated you, she’ll definitely start looking for the next guy) 3) keep relationships with other women and flirt from time to time

Most importantly, prepare yourself for reality. Don’t get caught of guard. Know what you want. Keep an eye out. Confront. And be prepared to walk away.

[...]

9. Ditch the nice guy stuff

A friend once said to me: “Things changed when I became a nice guy. Women started to hate me.”

Your goal is not to be nice. Your goal is to be a confident you. There’s no need to be an arrogant prick or a bad boy. You can beat the thugs and pricks and bad boys at their own game. All they have going is that women perceive them to be strong, confident men. And that’s what women want. You can outdo them by being strong and confident and smart.

Oh, one other thing. It’s out of fashion, but you shouldn’t be afraid to maintain the high ground as an honorable gentleman. A guy who treats his woman well, but who also isn’t afraid to walk away with dignity when she starts playing games.
         

Yes, I know. This is a long post. I am certain you can handle it. This is important stuff. So pause for a moment, rest your eyes, take a drink of water, and read it again.
Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash and I'm delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever.
--Hieronymus Karl Frederick Baron von Munchausen ("The Adventures of Baron Munchausen" [1988])--

Universe Prince

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Re: Adult human relationships
« Reply #1 on: August 04, 2010, 11:56:10 PM »
I thought for sure someone would have something to say here. Oh well.
Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash and I'm delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever.
--Hieronymus Karl Frederick Baron von Munchausen ("The Adventures of Baron Munchausen" [1988])--

Plane

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Re: Adult human relationships
« Reply #2 on: August 05, 2010, 12:12:33 AM »
I had a girlfriend who was a lot of fun and bracingly honest , but I couldn't stay with her because she didn't agree to an exclusive relationship , even for a limited period.

Damn the eyes of all society and care nothing for it , but microbes punish whether you attitude is mildly or severely bad the only diffrence becomes the odds increaseing.