Author Topic: Captain Obvious to the Rescue  (Read 8901 times)

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sirs

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Captain Obvious to the Rescue
« on: December 12, 2006, 05:12:21 AM »
The problem with the Iraq Study Group.

BY ROBERT TRACINSKI
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
 

In my student days back at the University of Chicago, there was a campus comedy troupe modeled on Second City, their more well-known uptown uncle. The U of C group was pretty funny, if in a somewhat bookish way. (Who else does a comedy routine based on "Oedipus Rex"?) One of their funniest bits was a recurring skit about a superhero named Captain Obvious. In each scene, a character would face a mundane problem, only to be "saved" by the banal and utterly unhelpful advice offered by Captain Obvious. "I've locked my keys in my car. What am I going to do?" "Well then," replies Captain Obvious, "all you have to do is open the door to your car, and then you can get your keys." Each scene ended the same way, with Captain Obvious proclaiming, "No, don't thank me. It's all in a day's work for Captain Obvious.

I've been reminded of this skit many times since, because I frequently hear the same kind of advice being given in Washington. Take, for example, the recommendations offered, to much fanfare, by the Iraq Study Group.

The problem in Iraq is that we can't withdraw U.S. troops because the Iraqi military is not adequately trained to maintain security on its own? Well then, the ISG tells us, all we need to do is to train the Iraqi military so that they can maintain security on their own, and then we can withdraw our troops.

The problem in Iraq is that the Iraqi government won't approve a crackdown to dismantle the Shiite militias? Well then, all we have to do is to convince the Iraqi government to approve a crackdown to dismantle the Shiite militias.

The problem in Iraq is that Iran and Syria are arming, funding, and encouraging Sunni and Shiite insurgents? Well then, all we have to do is to convince Syria and Iran to stop supporting these insurgents.

The problem in the region is that the Palestinian-Israeli conflict inflames anti-American sentiment? Well then, all we have to do is to convene a conference to negotiate peace in the Middle East.

See how simple that was? It's amazing that no one ever thought of these ideas before the Iraq Study Group came along. But no, don't thank them. It's all in a day's work for Captain Obvious.

Few have recognized the empty banality of the ISG report because they have focused on a few seemingly radical recommendations. But all of these recommendations are conditional on events that are unlikely to happen, as became clear in Thursday's press conference with the members of the commission.

We should withdraw all U.S. combat troops by early 2008, ISG co-chair Lee Hamilton tells us, "subject to unexpected developments on the ground"--such as the fact that the troops will still be needed. Similarly, we will shift troops from fighting the enemy to training the Iraqi military "if the commanders in place determine that's the best way to do it," according to commission member William Perry. Pressed on the subject of whether Iran would be willing to help us in Iraq, co-chair James Baker replies, "In our discussions with them--and the report points this out--we didn't get the feeling that Iran is champing at the bit to come to the table with us to talk about Iraq. And in fact, we say we think they very well might not."

There you have it: a series of recommendations based on conditions that "very well might not" happen.

The whole ISG report is a spectacular punt. It contains a few broad, vague goals for our policy--and a whole range of specific recommendations for actions that are not in the power of the American government to take.

It recommends, for example, that the Iraqi government "accelerate assuming responsibility for Iraqi security by increasing the number and quality of Iraqi Army Brigades," that the Iranian government "use its influence over Iraqi Shiite groups to encourage national reconciliation" and that the Syrian government "stem the flow of funding, insurgents, and terrorists in and out of Iraq."

The members of the commission certainly hope that these governments will take those actions. But then again, they very well might not.

What the ISG offers us are mere aspirations, with no serious consideration of the concrete means required to fulfill those aspirations.

We should negotiate with Iran and Syria to convince them to help stabilize Iraq, but then James Baker angrily denies that this would mean caving in and allowing Iran to continue its nuclear weapons program, and he angrily denies that it would mean caving in and allowing Syria to re-conquer Lebanon. In other words, he wants to ask Iran and Syria to help us in Iraq--while ruling out the only concessions that might induce them to do so. At the same time, the ISG also rules out any serious military threat that would force Iran and Syria to abandon their current strategy.

This is the pattern of the whole report: to stipulate the achievement of a result, while denying the actual means that might achieve that result.

When you desire a result without enacting the means for achieving it, that's called a "fantasy" which is ironic, considering that James Baker is a dean of the "realist" school of foreign policy.

For the original Captain Obvious, the final punch-line comes when he rescues a philosopher who is struggling to prove that the world really exists--the one problem Captain Obvious is perfectly equipped to solve. Perhaps someone ought to provide the same service for the "realists" on the Iraq Study Group.

A real change in policy for Iraq wouldn't start and end with a collection of vague aspirations. It would start with a clear-eyed, realistic assessment of the facts that explain the chaos in Iraq--the facts that explain why all of the aspirations stated by the Iraq Study Group have not yet been met.

The basic fact is that the conflict in Iraq, from the very beginning, has been stoked by Syria and Iran. These dictatorial regimes are stoking the conflict because the success of the American mission in Iraq is an obvious threat to their very existence. They can't afford the example of a free nation in the region, nor can they afford the example of a successful exertion of American power on their doorsteps.

That's why all the debate over whether Iraq is in a "civil war" is beside the point. Calling Iraq a "civil war" has the effect of narrowing our focus, making the conflict look like a purely internal fight between Iraqi factions. But the real picture is regional. The civil strife in Iraq is just the instrument of a regional fight for dominance between Iran and the United States.

Recognizing this reality would produce some truly interesting and radical recommendations.

Since Iran and Syria are the most important source of the chaos in Iraq, then we need to topple those regimes. They won't agree to help us, because doing so does not and never will serve their interests. So we have to replace them with governments that do share our interests--or at least, with governments that will stay out of our way.

Then, since the Shiite militias are the leading edge of Iranian influence in Iraq, we have to act to dismantle them now--and not wait for approval from the Iraqi government. We should grasp that the Iraqi government's approval and disapproval on this issue simply doesn't matter, because if we don't take down the militias, there will be no Iraqi government left.

Instead of pointing to the bad results in Iraq and simply declaring that we must achieve better results--which is all that the ISG report really amounts to--we have to identify the real root of the problem: the regimes in Iran and Syria, and the Shiite militias they support. And then we need to dig up that root.

We'll know we're really making progress in talking about Iraq when that recommendation is seen as being as obvious as it really is.


http://www.opinionjournal.com/federation/feature/?id=110009374



"The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal." -- Aristotle

Plane

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Re: Captain Obvious to the Rescue
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2006, 05:41:59 AM »
"Since Iran and Syria are the most important source of the chaos in Iraq, then we need to topple those regimes. They won't agree to help us, because doing so does not and never will serve their interests. So we have to replace them with governments that do share our interests--or at least, with governments that will stay out of our way."

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Could the threat of destruction be enough for them to modify their behavior , perhaps then there would not be a need to actually destroy them.

I know that it seems unlikely that we could occupy and repair such a large area of potentially un-co-operative territory and angry people.

The only credible threat would be attack that toppeled the regime without occupation or repair.

Xavier_Onassis

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Re: Captain Obvious to the Rescue
« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2006, 10:51:28 AM »
"Since Iran and Syria are the most important source of the chaos in Iraq, then we need to topple those regimes. They won't agree to help us, because doing so does not and never will serve their interests. So we have to replace them with governments that do share our interests--or at least, with governments that will stay out of our way."
=============================================================================
Insane. Insane. Utterly insane.
Suppose some newspaper in Teheran or Damascus said the same thing, with the obvious changes:

"Since The United States and Israel are the most important source of the chaos in the Middle East, then we need to topple those regimes. They won't agree to help us, because doing so does not and never will serve their interests. So we have to replace them with governments that do share our interests--or at least, with governments that will stay out of our way."

Ahmedinejad has not come close to saying anything like this, and they are calling him insane.
"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."

Amianthus

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Re: Captain Obvious to the Rescue
« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2006, 11:11:45 AM »
Ahmedinejad has not come close to saying anything like this, and they are calling him insane.

But it does sound just like something Mikey would say.
Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight. (Benjamin Franklin)

Plane

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Re: Captain Obvious to the Rescue
« Reply #4 on: December 12, 2006, 02:56:34 PM »
Ahmedinejad has not come close to saying anything like this, and they are calling him insane.


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Au Contraire
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Quote


Iran's President Ahmadinejad
Is it possible for us to witness a world without America and Zionism? But you had best know that this slogan and this goal are attainable, and surely can be achieved...


Also interesting...

http://regimechangeiran.blogspot.com/2005/10/why-havent-we-seen-this.html

Quote


 Hassan Abbassi 
We have a strategy drawn up for the destruction of Anglo-Saxon civilization... we must make use of everything we have at hand to strike at this front by means of our suicide operations or by means of our missiles. There are 29 sensitive sites in the U.S. and in the West. We have already spied on these sites and we know how we are going to attack them.


_JS

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Re: Captain Obvious to the Rescue
« Reply #5 on: December 12, 2006, 03:26:58 PM »
Quote
Since Iran and Syria are the most important source of the chaos in Iraq, then we need to topple those regimes.

LOL

With what? George W Bush's folksy charm? Condi Rice's lethal good looks? Tom Cruise's incessant scientology spiel?

Otherwise what are we supposed to attack Syria and Iran with? Moreover, what is our justification for waging war on two more sovereign nations?

Honestly, who writes this garbage? Tell him to put down the Risk board and return to the real world where wars cost money, lives, and don't always turn out the way you wish they would.
I smell something burning, hope it's just my brains.
They're only dropping peppermints and daisy-chains
   So stuff my nose with garlic
   Coat my eyes with butter
   Fill my ears with silver
   Stick my legs in plaster
   Tell me lies about Vietnam.

sirs

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Re: Captain Obvious to the Rescue
« Reply #6 on: December 12, 2006, 04:05:23 PM »
Honestly, who writes this garbage? Tell him to put down the Risk board and return to the real world where wars cost money, lives, and don't always turn out the way you wish they would.

Apparently the concept of radical recoomendations, and the context in which the author provided them, escapes even the shapest of the left.  too bad, as a potentially good debate could have been spearheaded from the ideas generated, vs the attempted literal application.  At least Plane got it
"The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal." -- Aristotle

_JS

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Re: Captain Obvious to the Rescue
« Reply #7 on: December 12, 2006, 04:17:33 PM »
Let's see the good debate.

You start.
I smell something burning, hope it's just my brains.
They're only dropping peppermints and daisy-chains
   So stuff my nose with garlic
   Coat my eyes with butter
   Fill my ears with silver
   Stick my legs in plaster
   Tell me lies about Vietnam.

sirs

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Re: Captain Obvious to the Rescue
« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2006, 04:23:25 PM »
Let's see the good debate.  You start.

Can we agree that Syria & Iran are likely the princple reinforcers for out of country insurgents & military supplies?  Can we agree that both Iran & Syria benefit the most from a completely destabilized Iraq?  Can we agree that trying to "talk to them" minus any substantive ability for concessions, is largely a non starter?  Kinda the fox guarding the henhouse analogy?
"The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal." -- Aristotle

_JS

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Re: Captain Obvious to the Rescue
« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2006, 04:38:02 PM »
I'm not sure I agree that talking to Iran and Syria is a non-starter. Also, I'm not sure how Syria and Iran benefit from a destabilized Iraq.

Otherwise I tend to agree. Though weapons aren't difficult to find in Iraq and IED's aren't extremely difficult to make.
I smell something burning, hope it's just my brains.
They're only dropping peppermints and daisy-chains
   So stuff my nose with garlic
   Coat my eyes with butter
   Fill my ears with silver
   Stick my legs in plaster
   Tell me lies about Vietnam.

sirs

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Re: Captain Obvious to the Rescue
« Reply #10 on: December 13, 2006, 04:28:28 AM »
I'm not sure I agree that talking to Iran and Syria is a non-starter.

Did I state not talking at all?  No, I reinforced the point in the article that "talking" amounts to nothing if their are no concessions that can be agreed upon.  We're talking about terrorist nations here Js.  Syria is likely the chief recipient of whatever WMD Saddam was able to move over to them prior to the war, and Iran for God's sake, just had conference on the myth of the Holocaust, with their President again restating his dream to see Israel no longer existing.  What kind of "talk" do you suggest?


Also, I'm not sure how Syria and Iran benefit from a destabilized Iraq.

You're kidding right?  A power vacuum that literally borders them both.  A country just ripe to use in facilitating terrorist actions across the globe while "keeping their hands clean" in their own respective countries.  The opportunity to expand their influence both politically and via terrorism.  You don't see the benefit that a destabilized Iraq can foster those 2 countries?


Otherwise I tend to agree. Though weapons aren't difficult to find in Iraq and IED's aren't extremely difficult to make.

I never claimed othewise, did I.  But at least we agree on something
"The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal." -- Aristotle

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Re: Captain Obvious to the Rescue
« Reply #11 on: December 13, 2006, 11:39:51 AM »
Quote
Did I state not talking at all?  No, I reinforced the point in the article that "talking" amounts to nothing if their are no concessions that can be agreed upon.  We're talking about terrorist nations here Js.  Syria is likely the chief recipient of whatever WMD Saddam was able to move over to them prior to the war, and Iran for God's sake, just had conference on the myth of the Holocaust, with their President again restating his dream to see Israel no longer existing.  What kind of "talk" do you suggest?

I suggest talk limited to discussing Iraq. I don't buy your theory on Syria controlling Saddam's WMD, and neither does most of the world. Syria's contribution to terrorism is limited to Israel and Lebanon, which are separate issues that aren't going to be solved in the context of sectarian violence in Iraq.

As stupid as Iran's conference is, Turkey has serious academics who deny the Armenian Genocide and Japan has serious academics who deny the Rape of Nanking. It is a bit of a double standard for us to be shocked about one and simply be uncaring about the others.

Quote
You're kidding right?  A power vacuum that literally borders them both.  A country just ripe to use in facilitating terrorist actions across the globe while "keeping their hands clean" in their own respective countries.  The opportunity to expand their influence both politically and via terrorism.  You don't see the benefit that a destabilized Iraq can foster those 2 countries?

Short-term thinking. In the long-term instability will benefit neither of them. Terrorism is a means Sirs, not an end of itself. Syria likely sees its role as protecting the Sunni Muslims near her border while Iran certainly has political and theological objectives. The Saudis and Kuwaitis also have objectives and surely want to see a stable, oil-producing Iraq (the Saudis likely wish for Sunni protection as well). In the long-term instability is to no one's benefit and I'm sure both Syria and Iran can see that.

The problem is that sectarian violence, as it was in Northern Ireland, is not so logically-minded. Terrorism is of minor concern really. The problem begins when Sunni and Shi'a community militias begin banding together to "protect" their communities. Then a Sunni or Shi'a holy day arrives and one has to march through the other's neighborhood to get to a holy shrine or relic. Blood gets spilled. It only takes one idiot to fire one shot, or one trigger happy Iraqi policeman or American soldier. Then hell breaks loose. And memories last a long, long time. Ask someone in Northern Ireland about Bloody Sunday, Bobby Sands, Falls Road and you'll get stories and exact dates. Look at the murals on the buildings. Call it "terrorism" or call it "protection," but it will take a life of its own and it won't matter what an American, British, UN,  Syrian, or Iranian official says. Your father (Uncle, Aunt, niece, nephew) was killed trying to get to a holy shrine on a holy Friday by some f****** git Iraqi policeman and it burns in your memory. Some may call it terrorism, but it is justified revenge for you.

That Sirs, is why sectarian violence is so dangerous and why we have failed to handle post war Iraq. It isn't al-Qaeda or "Saddam loyalists." Iran and Syria will eventually be rational actors because they recognize the long-term situation, but the irrational actors are the ones we need to grasp.


Otherwise I tend to agree. Though weapons aren't difficult to find in Iraq and IED's aren't extremely difficult to make.

I never claimed othewise, did I.  But at least we agree on something
[/quote]
I smell something burning, hope it's just my brains.
They're only dropping peppermints and daisy-chains
   So stuff my nose with garlic
   Coat my eyes with butter
   Fill my ears with silver
   Stick my legs in plaster
   Tell me lies about Vietnam.

Plane

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Re: Captain Obvious to the Rescue
« Reply #12 on: December 13, 2006, 01:08:24 PM »
Quote
Since Iran and Syria are the most important source of the chaos in Iraq, then we need to topple those regimes.

LOL

With what? George W Bush's folksy charm? Condi Rice's lethal good looks? Tom Cruise's incessant scientology spiel?

>>USAF<<

Otherwise what are we supposed to attack Syria and Iran with? Moreover, what is our justification for waging war on two more sovereign nations?

>>That they have been arangeing the deaths of hundreds of Americans and thousands of Iriquis in Iraq<<

Honestly, who writes this garbage? Tell him to put down the Risk board and return to the real world where wars cost money, lives, and don't always turn out the way you wish they would.

>>This would be good advice for Acmanenejad to heed. Could you get it to him?<<

Xavier_Onassis

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Re: Captain Obvious to the Rescue
« Reply #13 on: December 13, 2006, 04:14:03 PM »
You need to know, Plane, that many of the supposed 'quotes' of Ahmedinejad are not so much anything he actually said, but Israeli propaganda about what they said he said.

The people of Iran detest the Shah and the US for imposing the Shah upon them. They do not believe for one second that the US wants democracy, because the US destroyed their sectarian democracy in the 1950's when they destroyed the Mossadegh government with the Shah and undid the nationalization of the British-controlled oil company.

The people of Iran correctly perceive that the US has given the Israelis excessive amounts of money, which have been used to steal Palestinian land, to attack Muslim nations, to cause civil wars in Lebanon and provoke them in other countries, and they react very favorably to Iran annoying Israel to distraction, which is remarkably easy to do.

Ahmedinejad sermonizing on Israel not being a necessary state, on the Holocaust being an untrue myth, and   Iran having the right to pursue nuclear options drives the Israelis and the Neocons apesh*t, which makes his constituents happy and at the same time is a way of standing up to the US withoiut even firing a shot.

While Ahmedinejahd is annoying the Neocons and the Israelis, the CIA is doing its utmost to provoke rebellion among the Sunnis, the Kurds, and the Azeris in Iran to give Ahmedinejad a major Excedrin headache.

I have decided that I am a non-combatant in this one: both Juniorbush and Ahmedinejad are such assh*les that I do not deem either one even remotely worthy of my support.




"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."

sirs

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Re: Captain Obvious to the Rescue
« Reply #14 on: December 13, 2006, 11:39:30 PM »
I suggest talk limited to discussing Iraq.

A) The "recommendation" by the ISG was to "talk" to both
B) you still haven't answered what kind of "talk" would you suggest?


I don't buy your theory on Syria controlling Saddam's WMD, and neither does most of the world. Syria's contribution to terrorism is limited to Israel and Lebanon, which are separate issues that aren't going to be solved in the context of sectarian violence in Iraq.

Fine, don't buy both logical and eyewitness testimony of such.  Syria's contribution is much of what Iran tells them what to do, which is mostly aimed at Israel, but hardly limited to it


As stupid as Iran's conference is, Turkey has serious academics who deny the Armenian Genocide and Japan has serious academics who deny the Rape of Nanking. It is a bit of a double standard for us to be shocked about one and simply be uncaring about the others.

Is this some sort of irrational 2 step?  Tuekry isn't one of the countries we're having to deal with, as it relates to Iraq.  Neither is Japan.  You want condemnation of those particular academics?...fine.  I'm offcially on record as condeming those Turksih & Japanese academics.  Now, can we focus on the PRESIDENT of Iran, and how the hell we "talk" to a country & it's leader, who's agenda is the cessation of Israel and the denial of the Holocaust??


Short-term thinking. In the long-term instability will benefit neither of them. Terrorism is a means Sirs, not an end of itself. Syria likely sees its role as protecting the Sunni Muslims near her border while Iran certainly has political and theological objectives.

In the long term, I'm confident that their goal is for them to control the region, in whatever means possible, be it actual members of their contries implanted within whatever Iraqi Government is in power, complete disruption of the region, with them taking over lands, stabilized terrorist conduits to move both terrorists/insurgents and equipment in & out at will, whatever.  The current instability they're facilitating is a means to that end


Terrorism is of minor concern really.

Now you have to be kidding.  No biggie, huh.  Wow    :-\



That Sirs, is why sectarian violence is so dangerous and why we have failed to handle post war Iraq. It isn't al-Qaeda or "Saddam loyalists." Iran and Syria will eventually be rational actors because they recognize the long-term situation, but the irrational actors are the ones we need to grasp.

Of course both Iran & Syria are looking towards a stable Iraq/"long term situtaion".....stable in the sense that they're in control


"The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal." -- Aristotle