Author Topic: OMG! Now I understand why we invaded Iraq!  (Read 10486 times)

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OMG! Now I understand why we invaded Iraq!
« on: January 02, 2007, 02:06:39 PM »

Voice Of God Revealed To Be Cheney On Intercom

December 7, 2005 | Issue 41•49

 
WASHINGTON, DC—Telephone logs recorded by the National Security Agency and obtained by Congress as part of an ongoing investigation suggest that the vice president may have used the Oval Office intercom system to address President Bush at crucial moments, giving categorical directives in a voice the president believed to be that of God.


President Bush sits at his desk in the Oval Office, where he received messages from an intercom voice identifying itself as "God" and thought to have been Vice President Cheney (below).

While journalists and presidential historians had long noted Bush's deep faith and Cheney's powerful influence in the White House, few had drawn a direct correlation between the two until Tuesday, when transcripts of meetings that took place in March and April of 2002 became available.

In a transcript of an intercom exchange recorded in March 2002, a voice positively identified as the vice president's identifies himself as "the Lord thy God" and promotes the invasion of Iraq, as well as the use of torture in prisoner interrogations.

A close examination of Bush's public statements and Secret Service time logs tracking the vice president reveals a consistent pattern, one which links Bush's belief that he had received word from God with Cheney's use of the White House's telephone-based intercom system.

Officials privately acknowledged that there is reason to believe that the vice president, as God, urged Bush to sign legislation benefiting oil companies in 2005.

"There's a lot of religious zeal in the West Wing," said a former White House staffer who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "It's possible that the vice president has taken advantage of that to fast-track certain administration objectives."

An ex-Treasury Department official and longtime friend of Cheney was asked to comment on the vice president's possible subterfuge. "I don't know. I certainly don't think it's something [Cheney] planned," he said. "I do know that Mr. Bush was unfamiliar with a phone-based intercom, and I suppose it is possible that Dick took advantage of that."

A highly placed NSA official who has reviewed the information released Tuesday said Cheney masked his clipped monotone, employing a deeper, booming voice.


Vice President Cheney.

Said the NSA source: "It sounded as though the speaker, who identified himself as God, stood away from the intercom to create an echo effect."

On Capitol Hill, sources are expressing surprise that Cheney, a vice president with more influence than any other in U.S. history, would have resorted to such deception.

"The vice president has a lot of sway in this administration," said a former White House aide. "But perhaps when President Bush was particularly resolute and resistant to mortal persuasion, the vice president chose to quickly resolve disputes in his favor with a half-decent God impression."

For many, the revelation explains Bush's confusion in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.

"I was very surprised by the president's slow response in New Orleans," political commentator Bill Kristol said. "The president told me that he was praying every day in his office, but had received no reply. I had no idea what he meant, but of course, it all makes sense now."

At the time of Katrina, Cheney was on a fly-fishing trip, from which he returned on Sept. 1.

According to highly placed White House sources, Bush's senior advisers are trying to shield the president from the news. Aides are concerned that too harsh an awakening might shake Bush's faith, which has been a central part of his life for nearly 20 years.

"It's hard to tell the leader of the free world that he has been the butt of an elaborate and long-term ruse," a former staffer said. "Maybe it would be easier to take if it came from Cheney's God voice."

© Copyright 2006, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43189/print/

Amianthus

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Re: OMG! Now I understand why we invaded Iraq!
« Reply #1 on: January 02, 2007, 04:22:13 PM »
I have a hard time believing that you "understand" anything.
Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight. (Benjamin Franklin)

sirs

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Re: OMG! Now I understand why we invaded Iraq!
« Reply #2 on: January 02, 2007, 04:24:44 PM »
I have a hard time believing that you "understand" anything.

 :D
"The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal." -- Aristotle

Michael Tee

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Re: OMG! Now I understand why we invaded Iraq!
« Reply #3 on: January 02, 2007, 04:55:26 PM »
<<I have a hard time believing that you "understand" anything.>>

Not as hard as we do in believing that you and your sycophantic little yes-man in the Amen Corner have a sense of humour about anything.

Amianthus

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Re: OMG! Now I understand why we invaded Iraq!
« Reply #4 on: January 02, 2007, 05:16:58 PM »
Not as hard as we do in believing that you and your sycophantic little yes-man in the Amen Corner have a sense of humour about anything.

You know, if you keep defending Ms. Knuttia, I'm gonna start suspecting that you and she are the same person.
Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight. (Benjamin Franklin)

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Re: OMG! Now I understand why we invaded Iraq!
« Reply #5 on: January 02, 2007, 05:19:59 PM »
<<I have a hard time believing that you "understand" anything.>>

Not as hard as we do in believing that you and your sycophantic little yes-man in the Amen Corner have a sense of humour about anything.

Tweedle Dum & Tweedle Dummer is what I call them. They are far too stupid & vacuous to waste our time on is what I think.

Amianthus

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Re: OMG! Now I understand why we invaded Iraq!
« Reply #6 on: January 02, 2007, 05:21:17 PM »
They are far too stupid & vacuous to waste our time on is what I think.

And compared to you, we're the smart ones.


 :-*
Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight. (Benjamin Franklin)

sirs

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Re: OMG! Now I understand why we invaded Iraq!
« Reply #7 on: January 02, 2007, 05:56:21 PM »
They are far too stupid & vacuous to waste our time on is what I think.

And compared to you, we're the smart ones.

 :-*

ROFL
"The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal." -- Aristotle

Xavier_Onassis

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Re: OMG! Now I understand why we invaded Iraq!
« Reply #8 on: January 02, 2007, 05:57:40 PM »
This is funny as Hell. Cheney pretending to be God, deluding the Dummy Juniorbush. hee hee ha ha hoo hoo!
"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."

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Re: OMG! Now I understand why we invaded Iraq!
« Reply #9 on: January 02, 2007, 06:13:36 PM »
This is funny as Hell. Cheney pretending to be God, deluding the Dummy Juniorbush. hee hee ha ha hoo hoo!

Thanx , XO. At least a couple folks in here have a sense of humor.

Michael Tee

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Re: OMG! Now I understand why we invaded Iraq!
« Reply #10 on: January 02, 2007, 06:25:19 PM »
<<You know, if you keep defending Ms. Knuttia, I'm gonna start suspecting that you and she are the same person.>>

Which would be the least of your factual misconceptions

Amianthus

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Re: OMG! Now I understand why we invaded Iraq!
« Reply #11 on: January 02, 2007, 06:57:25 PM »
Which would be the least of your factual misconceptions

Care to point out where I claimed it was a fact?

But then, you're not exactly well acquainted with fact anyway, Mr. "water boiling at 190 degrees".
Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight. (Benjamin Franklin)

Michael Tee

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Re: OMG! Now I understand why we invaded Iraq!
« Reply #12 on: January 02, 2007, 07:27:41 PM »
<<But then, you're not exactly well acquainted with fact anyway, Mr. "water boiling at 190 degrees".>>

Make that "Mr. water boiling at a temperature which depends on the atmospheric pressure on it" and that'd put you about as close to a real fact as you've ever been.

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Re: OMG! Now I understand why we invaded Iraq!
« Reply #13 on: January 02, 2007, 07:44:00 PM »
<<But then, you're not exactly well acquainted with fact anyway, Mr. "water boiling at 190 degrees".>>

Make that "Mr. water boiling at a temperature which depends on the atmospheric pressure on it" and that'd put you about as close to a real fact as you've ever been.

Ami actually knows a lot of facts. It is the meaning of them that always eludes him. That is how I know he is an idiot savant.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autistic_savant

Amianthus

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Re: OMG! Now I understand why we invaded Iraq!
« Reply #14 on: January 02, 2007, 07:47:08 PM »
Make that "Mr. water boiling at a temperature which depends on the atmospheric pressure on it" and that'd put you about as close to a real fact as you've ever been.

As I said, water does not boil at 190 degrees at any atmospheric pressure below the summit of Mt. Everest. And it won't do so, there, either.

So, tell me, where was the McDonalds located? The Moon?

Fact. ROFL.

Go to your local college chemistry department and have them verify it. I told you do so years ago.
Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight. (Benjamin Franklin)