I could have saved Osama Bin Laden.
Oh how stupid he was , not to have asked me for advice!
I knew the perfect solution for him and I am certain it would have worked, I would not even have charged him for the council.
I can imagine the call......
OBL .. Hello , ...Hello..
Plane..Hello?
OBL .. Hello there is this Plane _talker?
Plane..Yes this is Plane _talker.
OBL .. Oh finally , you have no idea how difficult it is to find a secure connection that isn't being bugged. This is Osama Bin Laden.
Plane.. Oh Hi Sam, how are things in the cavern?
OBL .. It isn't the adventure I thought it would be , I can't even get away from my wives for half a minute, we are just always here , getting cabin fever and getting on each others nerves , and getting pregnant.
Plane.. I could tell you what is causing part of that Sam, but I don't know if you would want to quit it.
OBL .. Haha Plane, .. very funny for you but I have a real problem and I want to know how you would fix it.
Plane.. I know a little about your problem, and I do have an idea about fixing it.
OBL .. Well don"t tell me to die in a blaze of glory I get that from Ayman al-Zawahri every time I see him , the big phony, I don't see him traveling without his female disguise chador!
Plane.. I wouldn't think this was a good time to try that , but you do need to do something , people are starting to think you are already dead, that is practically as good as irrelevant. If you had died as a Myrtyer in your prime you might be sainted by now, but after playing rabbit for a decade it doesn't present the same romantic death wish anymore, If you just keep waiting those who will never forgive might somewhat forget.
OBL.. Do you really think I have a chance of being forgotten?
Plane..No not really , people here use your name interchangeably with Satan , Ol'Scratch is more likely to be forgiven and forgotten than you.
OBL..Ha de ha ha, Plane do you really have an idea or are you going to yank my chain till Dick Marchinco knocks on my door?
Plane..OK,.. ok ,Sam I know you are in a tight and I know what to do about it . so Listen close and be amazed at the simplicity.
OBL.. Come on stop stalling!
Plane.. Walk into the Danish or Belgin embassy and ask to be taken to the Hague.
OBL..Be serious Plane , I want something I could really do, not just to save myself but to advance my cause .
Plane.. I am serious Sam , just imagine , you being carried to Europe and put up in style in a country that is terrified of you
OBL.. I do miss striking fear in foreign hearts.
Plane.. Yes well imagine never having to pay for a meal again and your wives allowed in for scheduled connubial visits, best of all fear free opportunity's to speak to the press almost every day.
OBL..But they would put me on trial...
Plane..Sure they would, but they can't give you the death penalty nor hand you to an ally that might.
OBL..Hm-mm that is true , but I might never get out of prison.
Plane.. So what, Sam ol pal , do you think you have been a free man the last five or ten years?, Haven't you been closeted in since you escaped Tora Bora? You might as well be in a prison that no one is gonna drop a cluster bomb onto. I doubt that you will outlive your trial , with simple tricks the lawyers you can hire in Europe can make your trial last fifty years and put you on the front page every month.
OBL.. You say that I could have connubial visits?
Plane.. I can't see how you could be denied , while your trial is going on you are not convicted of anything , so you might as well be innocent , but you can alledge bad treatment if you want better treatment. You pick the right Europeans and you will practically have a staff of servants dressed as prison guards.
OBL.. So if I make sure I am captured by Danes or Belgins...
Plane..Or Spanyards ...
OBL.. Or Spanyards yes of course....
Plane.. It would be easy and it would simplify your life, add excitement and put you in a constant pulpit.
OBL.. I think you have talked me into it , but won't it be dangerous?
Plane.. Nah , you can rent an airplane and fly to Europe , or just walk dramatically into an embassy, you can probably hold a press conference on the steps of the embassy, ... What is that noise ?
OBL..Helicopters , they overfly all the time I am near a base.... oy those are close,...
Plane.. I am loosing you r connection...
OBL.. I think I will do it , but right now there seems to be some comm otion out in my yard, I better go see what is going on.
Plane.. Ok Sama, Call me back later , and do pack some sunscreen .... Bye
OBL..Sallam Alechem Plane
Plane.. Peace for you too you Sum beech.
"Only the dead have seen the end of war"-Santayana
The mission to capture Ahmed Hashim Abed, the mastermind behind the killing, burning and mutilation of four American contractors working for Blackwater USA in Fallujah, Iraq, in March 2004 was a success.
But so skewed are our priorities these days, the three SEALs are facing court-martial because Abed claims McCabe punched him in the stomach while in custody.
http://www.trishobie.multiply.com
There are chemical weapons, biological weapons, nuclear weapons - then there are simply weapons that chill the hearts of all enemies and cause them to run off screaming like schoolgirls into the night. This is one of the latter - in the previously classified grouping of dinnerware weapons. The D&S Battle Fork.We didn't just go halfway on this. This is a deadly tool of the dark arts, as wielded by the Box Assassin on her many missions into the shit-holes of the world - most which will never be declassified. Not man, nor woman, nor beast can you trust ... but this, you can trust:
THE BATTLE FORK!
Applications accepted for this lethal tool. Contact D&S by using the button above to navigate to the page where you may fill out a form and enter the selection process. Your file will be vetted by the nice men in black helicopters, but Sporkgirl (call-sign "Box Assassin") hand-selects those who carry this... and the equally feared, but rumored to exist - the "Battle Spoon."
Meatheads and wusses need not contact us. Battle Forks are considered WMDs by some, and Homeschool Security may not allow their transport to some individuals or states. And if you live in a different country - piss-off. Go fork yourself. Shut the Hell up and stop moaning.
