Well, Grant, Sherman, and Schwarzkopf were conventional warriors. The Civil War and WWII were conventional wars. We bombed the population centers in Japan but in the European Theater we bombed the industrial targets primarily and England bombed the population centers. It was done that way because frankly we were appalled by the amount of civilian casualties England was willing, indeed wanted, to cause.
So while no one can say Sherman was shy during the Civil War, and no one can say McNamara and LeMay were shy during the air campaign in Japan, our pre-Vietnam military history is not as ruthlessly bloody as some think it is.
As for Iraq and Afghanistan, obviously, these are/were counter-insurgency wars.
The tables were turned in Iraq by a campaign of assassination against the IED and bomb makers. It wasn't won by dishing out extended punishment to specifically targeted civilian centers.
The reason you identify different population groups within a country like Afghanistan, or Iraq, is so you can find where the local insurgents are most likely going to operate from. Than you can begin to assassinate them. That's what all these drone attacks and night raids are all about. Penalizing the population doesn't help in that endeavor one wit with one exception. If your friend becomes collateral damage during a night raid or drone attack than you might think twice about hiding an insurgent in your house. So that's a beneficial punishment.
BSB