Author Topic: Republicans Defund Dark Matter Research  (Read 1442 times)

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Xavier_Onassis

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Republicans Defund Dark Matter Research
« on: September 11, 2016, 01:13:46 PM »
Republicans Defund Dark Matter Research
September 11, 2016 by Andrew Hall 3 Comments
There’s too much blackness in the universe! – Republican Senator

Washington DC – In a special session of Congress, Republicans ended all federal funding for dark matter research. The move comes as a direct result of the #AllMatterMatters movement.

“Black lives matter BUT all lives matter when you think hard about it,” stated Mississippi Representative Andrew Canard. “I don’t see how we can tolerate funding scientific research that discriminates against every other type of matter except for the dark type. It’s racist.”

Scientists exploring the nature of dark matter are perplexed and frustrated. Many within the scientific community were aware of the growing Republican rage against dark matter research and had been trying to educate politicians. “Dark matter refers to the hypothetical substance that we can’t detect but we see its gravitational effects throughout the universe, but they didn’t want to hear that,” an anonymous source reported.

The #AllMatterMatters movement on social media exploded with jubilation once the news broke. Confused Twitter users ranted on how baby killing would no longer be funded by the government. Many attempted to point out that dark matter research isn’t conducted by Planned Parenthood. However, that message was lost in a wave of lightly veiled racist tweets celebrating the death of what some called “Obama physics.”

With the recent victory over dark matter research, Republicans are clamoring to take on the dark energy lobby.

“Dark energy threatens everything good in America. Oil prices are at an all-time low. Gasoline is cheap. Why would we threaten this all and possibly wake Cthulhu from his slumber?” stated Representative Canard. “What we need to do right now is make a wall with Mexico to keep the illegals out and make sure the wall between our world and the demonic is as strong as ever.”

Scientists have given up trying to explain “science ‘n stuff” to the willfully ignorant. Instead, dark energy researchers are mounting a public relations campaign to sway the general public to their side of the debate.
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Plane

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sirs

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Re: Republicans Defund Dark Matter Research
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2016, 12:00:06 AM »
It was almost funny.......almost
"The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal." -- Aristotle