This is not an Onion article.
The conservative commentator’s first point is that, soccer, as a team sport like none other does not showcase individual achievement as much as real American sports. Aside from the apparent fact she hasn’t really ever watched a soccer match, this appears to be classic red-baiting.
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The primary purpose of playing sports is NOT to provide a venue for endless beer, snack and razor commercials, but to encourage exercise and communal spirit for young people. Sports should benefit the players, not the spectators. Plus, she is wrong about soccer does not provide an opportunity to showcase individual achievement. You can certainly recognize individuals better when they are wearing soccer uniforms rather then all the grotesque padding and helmets of NFL and college football. And there is rarely any doubt of where the ball is.
This is typical of the shit that Coulter spreads on a regular basis. She is famous for hating everything. Makes a person want to know where her lawn is, so one can dump on it.